Bringing sex toys into partnered sex can be a beautiful way to deepen intimacy, expand pleasure, and keep things playful and exciting. While our bodies are amazing on their own, toys — like those available from rosetoy — can add unique sensations such as pulsing, suction, or vibration that simply aren’t possible otherwise. These additions can help many people experience more consistent, intense, or novel types of pleasure.
Still, despite the growing openness around solo toy use, many people hesitate when it comes to using toys with a partner. Why?
Why Do We Hesitate?
For some, it comes from the outdated belief that sex should be “just bodies” — no tools, no extras, just two people meeting each other’s every need. Others may worry that suggesting a toy might seem like a criticism of their partner’s performance or a sign that something is “wrong” in the relationship. And of course, many people just don’t want to feel “weird” or make their partner uncomfortable.
But here’s the truth: using toys doesn’t mean anything is broken — it means you’re curious, open, and want to explore pleasure more fully. And that’s worth celebrating.
When to Bring It Up
The timing of the conversation really matters. Instead of pulling a toy out mid-sex (which can be surprising or even jarring), set aside time to talk when you’re both relaxed and fully clothed. You don’t have to make it a “serious” talk — it can be playful, light, or even framed as, “Hey, I read something interesting today…”
There’s no perfect moment in a relationship to bring up toys. You might introduce the topic early, as part of broader conversations about preferences, or years into a relationship when you’re both looking to spice things up. It’s never too early or too late.
A Gentle Way to Start the Conversation
One helpful way to explore together is with a “Yes, No, Maybe” list. These are downloadable guides that list out various sexual activities and toys. Each partner marks what they’re open to, unsure about, or not interested in. Comparing answers gives you a fun, low-pressure way to find overlap — and discover new ideas you might both enjoy.
This approach makes it easier to focus on shared desires instead of pressure or performance.
Start with Play, Not Performance
The goal isn’t to have “better sex” in a results-driven way — it’s to enjoy pleasure together. That could mean using a toy during foreplay, during intercourse, or just exploring each other’s bodies in a new way. The key is curiosity.
Watch your partner’s reactions, check in with each other, and keep things light. Laughing is welcome! Play is not supposed to be serious — it’s meant to feel safe, connected, and fun.
Take breaks if you need to. Change positions. Light a candle. Adjust your environment. Do whatever helps you both feel present and relaxed.
Non-Toy Items That Can Help
Not everything has to be battery-operated. A sensual massage can build closeness and help you learn which parts of your partner’s body are most sensitive. Massage oils, candles, or even soft fabrics can create new textures and experiences.
Props can also support deeper connection — think pillows for positioning, or soft restraints for gentle kink play.
Beginner-Friendly Toy Suggestions
- External Vibrators: Great for stimulating the clitoris, nipples, or penis. They can be used alone or during penetrative sex for extra sensation.
- Dual-Stimulation Toys: These provide both internal and external stimulation, making them versatile and fun for solo or shared use.
- Internal Vibrators or Dildos: Perfect for exploring G-spot or prostate stimulation.
- Remote-Control Toys: These are great for partner play, especially when one person wants to be in control — even from across the room.
- Plugs and Mini Toys: A smaller plug or gentle insertable toy can be an accessible way to start exploring new sensations.
- Positioning Aids: Pillows or wedges can make certain angles more comfortable and allow for deeper penetration.
And remember: always use lube with toys unless they’re specifically designed to be used dry, and make sure you know what materials are compatible.
It’s OK to Go Slow
Good sex isn’t a race — it’s an experience. You’re not “supposed” to know everything, or get everything right on the first try. Part of the joy of being an adult is getting to explore safely, slowly, and on your own terms.
There’s no shame in asking questions, trying something and not liking it, or laughing through an awkward moment. That’s how intimacy grows.
So if you’ve been curious about using sex toys with a partner, take a breath — and give yourself permission to start small, go slow, and most importantly, enjoy the journey.
